Tuesday, November 2, 2010

The Pond is Pretty Bleak

After my last post, or rather, my horrible halloween timing in telling a certain gentleman that I have a "thing" for him, I began to re-examine this whole notion of dating, and what it entails. It is not only rather time consuming, but quite frankly, I am starting to wonder if there really are any "dateable men" out there. Allow me to extrapolate.

My dating life, if I were to attempt to sum it up in one word, could only be described as disastrous. No one has a more finely tuned radar than I as far as picking out losers is concerned. I should also mention that the term losers doesn't refer to the nerdy/geeky population - I mean guys with no respect, no game, no nothing. Is it too much for me to ask that you have a job, maybe pick up the bill, perhaps open a door? Am I out of line to request that you are actually single and no longer living at home, that you have a driver's license? You don't even need a car - just the license! And, while I have your attention, just a heads up that I don't play the "sharing" game, in the event we make it to the bedroom one day (and this stems from yet another fabulous dating experience). My radar is so finely tuned to these guys that you could fill a room with successful men, and only one loser, and I would pick him out of the bunch, no doubt about it.

MEN - WHERE ARE YOU? I have actually reached the point where my best friend in the world has offered to screen guys I am interested in so that SHE can weed them out. Ouch - I never thought it would come to this, I really didn't. They (whoever "they" might actually be) say that you attract what you give off. Now, I may be far cry from a saint, but I am certainly not the devil incarnated. Like most girls my age, I am always a willing participant in an evening out sprinkled with dinner, drinks, loud music and dancing. I am always a willing participant in trips down south which are fueled by energy drinks, caffeine, Tequilla and little sleep. However, I am also an even more willing participant in quiet nights in with friends, drinking tea, playing cards and watching movies - truth be told, I much more of a homebody than I should be for my age...One of my cousins said to me recently "Guys your age aren't looking for a party girl, they are looking for a girl to settle down with, a motherly-type figure". Well, my experience has taught me that this is most certainly not the case. I am not a party girl, though I do enjoy partying once in awhile, and I am certainly not going to begin a first date with "Hi - I'm ready for marriage, a home and kids". Which begs the question - where are these decent guys my cousin referred to? Where can I meet one?

I took a gander at the famous Plenty of Fish dating site recently, and wow - trouble looms. Every guy really is the same - and when I did have a profile on there in my early dating days (aka, last spring) I was far from blown away. Honestly, I want a guy to tell me what I can expect one year down the line. I know that for the first year we are gonna go on a ton of dates, we might vacation, we'll see and do stuff that neither of us has done before, or haven't done enough of - but what's the long-term reality? And I don't ask because I want to get into a long-term thing off the bat, I want an idea of what I am signing up for. I want to know if after this so-called "honeymoon phase" whatever we have going on has any actual lasting potential. Can you make me laugh, can you deal with my loud mouth, will you berate me for enjoying some top 40 music on my way to work? Do you know how to compromise, do you have emotional capabilities, will you be my shoulder when I feel as though the world is crumbling around me, will you be my friend first, and my lover second? And more importantly, if you answered yes to any of the above, do you actually mean it, or do you think I am not hip to your ploys to try to get in my pants?

One of my favorite songs, Love Ain't (care of CunninLynguists) has a verse that hits home: "You'll catch bigger fish in the sea if you manage not to drown in it". Well said. I am a decent swimmer, and let me tell you, I am on the verge of drowning. I certainly hope this figurative sea has better fish than the pond in my area, because I keep hearing about all these wonderful guys, but I am beginning to believe they as mythical as unicorns.

-Milie B.

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